Bereavement

We all have lost someone, something or  people we dearly love and adore.  This is surely not an easy path that one has to take,  you go through episodes that live you emotionally drained. At some point you feel angry with yourself for the things you believe you were supposed to have done for that person or rather for the fact that they have left you behind with all the pain that you're going through.

At times you would find it hard to believe that this person has really passed on, which is something I'm going through. I recently buried my grand mother from my maternal side and it still feels a like a dream. She died at a tender age of 80 but for me it felt like she was going to be with us forever. People have died and she buried them so to me it felt like she was never going to die, I had hoped for her to live until she sees my second born, till I'm successful so I can be able to do the things I believed would have made her happy.

It pains me that she had hoped for me to fall pregnant so she can be able to see her great grand child.  The fact that I'm named after her made feel like some how a part of me has died she was a mother to me and still is. I'm finding it hard to let her go, the past few weeks have been tormenting to me since I kept having visions about her passing. I would have sleepless nights and fell into depression because of this. I just couldn't bare the fact that she's dying.

This made me realise that I haven't dealt with the agony of having lost the most important people in my life because I started feeling like I keep losing everyone I love. I would dish up and still dish up for her as well only to realise that she is no more. I'm slowly dealing with the fact that I will never see her again in this realm.

She suffered from a stroke for six months and she was bedridden, couldn't move a muscle. The pain she was feeling her physical body couldn't bare any more. I know she is healed where she is because I kept having visions of her walking and healthy again she even said to me " Look at me now I'm healthy as ever, I'm no longer feeling the pain" this was two days before she passed on. I will always keep you in my heart and thoughts she is the best granny one could ever ask for. Even though she might be free from pain I still wish she could still be around and never live me

Rest in power my beloved Granny